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Howling Fjord
Fjord is a level 70 Human Paladin from the Khadgar server. Known not only for his martial skills but also for his devastating good looks, Fjord is perhaps best known as a man of vast wealth. Rumors abound as to the true extent of his wealth and influence, but few facts can be found to indicate any hard amounts. The nickname "Howling Fjord" first surfaced around the time of BlizzCon 2007, and is a bit puzzling as Fjord has often said that he prefers to bellow. But the name seems to have stuck and so Fjord has decided to roll with it. Introduction Common Introductions from Fjord include "Hello there citizen!" "Greetings kind sir/madam" "Afternoon friend, do you have that 6,000g I loaned you?" "Good day peasant, I am buying your farm!" and "Woman, you betta have mah money. Fjord wouldn't want to have to get mad at ya." History Fjord was never particularly good at history. Once in Paladin grade school, his history teacher Tirion Fordring told him "Fjord, he who forgets history is destined to repeat it... which is why I am failing you in this course and next year you can repeat it!". That afternoon Fjord bought out the school and had Fordring fired. He is now rumored to reside in a hut somewhere in the Eastern Plaguelands. Fjord: The Early Years "Howling" Fjord was rolled 28 years ago, the son Fjohnny, of an out-of-work Warrior, and Fjasmine Koenigstrasse, Priestess of the Light. Fjord came into the world howling about how the Paladin class was so deceptively overpowered, and how he would show the world exactly what a paladin can do if he puts his mind to the task. His formative levels were spent in various boarding schools and training facilities where invariably, Fjord would be expelled after hatching an extortion ring that would result in extravagant defacing of properties, the embarrassing resignation of school officials, or the fleecing of the general population of their Ice Cold Milk money. Upon his graduation from the Paladin Academy at Goldshire, Fjord distinguished himself in the areas of Howling, Auction House forecasting, and learning to find his Holy Light button. Early known acquaintances of Fjord would remark that Fjord "always found something to howl about, even if it was just in his head. He was a disturbed young man." Of course, the joke was soon on them, as Fjord quickly amassed a gold fortune that impressed even King Magni Bronzebeard himself. The first branch of the Bank of Fjord quickly opened thereafter. Fjord's fortune quickly made him a marked man with several key figures, not the least of which were the Gold farming Yakuza clans, and several attempts were made on his life. These were foiled by Fjord's unbelievable sixth sense allowing him to spot danger a mile away. Fjord would get a tingling sensation at the base of his skull, which would allow him to spot a keylogger or a bad auction house deal, and the schemes to detract from his ever-growing gold stockpiles would invariably be abandoned. Addicton to Sporefish In the years following the grand opening of the third branch of the Bank of Fjord, the man himself indulged in a period of hedonism - A time spent in lavish brothels, and on exotic journeys. Fjord narrowly escaped a grisly fate at the hands of the mistress of one of these "Dens of Mortal Delights," a woman known only as "Mother." Those close to him claim that he never fully recovered. In the wake of his near demise, he descended into what his friends could only describe as "madness". It was during this time that he discovered the wonders of the Sporefish, an aquatic creature native to Zangar. The Sporefish itself is believed by the locals to grant superhuman abilities to those who eat it. While the truth of this is unknown, Fjord's addiction to the fleshy fish is unquestionable. The AWCF (Azerothian Wildlife Conservation Foundation) has made efforts to declare the Zangarian Sporefish an endangered species, but Fjord's strong political ties have seen this idea struck down before any serious movements can be made in any direction. 2004 Presidential Run Fjord was a leading candidate for the Democratic Party nomination for President of Azeroth in 2004. After raising unprecedented amounts of money on the internetz, Fjord was considered by many pundits to be a lock for the nomination (and we all know how overpowered 'locks are). However, a tragic speech following the Westfall Caucus derailed his campaign. Transcripts of the Speech read as follows: "Not only are we going to Duskwood, but we're going to Mulgore and The Hinterlands and Desolace and Dun Morogh and Elwynn Forest, and we're going to Searing Gorge and Teldrassil and The Barrens … And we're going to Ashenvale and Feralas and Tanaris and Un'goro Crater, and then we're going to Blackrock Mountain, to take back the Molten Core! YeeeeeaaaaAAAAHHHHHaaaaahhhhhaaaaahhhhh!!!" Chinese Democracy Fjord has been rumored to be reuniting with bandmates Dizzy Reed, Izzy Stradlin, Gilby Clarke, Duff McKagan, and Slash to finalize work on their magnum opus Chinese Democracy. However, frequent disagreements between members over whether the album's title should be printed in 9pt or 10pt font have brought progress on the album to a halt. In the meantime, Fjord's Karaoke side project has released a double platinum album Songs in the Key of Murloc. The Smoke Monster Seen in several early episodes of Fjord's hit television series LJOST, The Smoke Monster is a large threatening black presence (not unlike Lexington Steele). Little explanation has been offered for this mysterious manifestation, but rumors persist that it is a result of an epic late night binge by Fjord at the Booty Bay branch of Pandaren Express. Keyzer Soze Fjord refuses to either confirm or deny the use of this alter ego, but he does kindly ask you not to make fun of his limp. Fjord and the Cow Level Contrary to popular believe, there is in fact, a Cow Level. It is a highly exclusive nightclub located in Old Ironforge that Fjord uses as a speakeasy in order to dodge the Azerothian prohibition on Rumsy Rum Blue Label. However, the club was recently closed after an incident involving Kael'thas Sunstrider and a full bottle of the highly volatile Shadowmoon Absinthe. After his bender, Kael, looking frankly a bit green, stumbled out of the club muttering something about reigniting the Sunwell and seeing if Kil'jaeden has any good hangover cures. Because of the closing, all former employees have been instructed to deny the existence of the club altogether, leading to the belief that "There is no cow level". What's in the Briefcase Another popular debate in Fjord mythology stems from Fjord's hugely successful Academy Award winning 1994 film Pulp Fjiction. A scene late in the movie depicts one of the film's main characters, Fjules, acting as courier for a very important briefcase to be delivered to Fjord. The contents of the case are never seen, but speculation as to its contents is rampant. Nobody knows for sure, but the most popular theory is that it contains The Ashbringer. Supporting evidence for this theory is sparse, but perhaps the best clue is when Fjules tells another character in the movie, Ringo, that he needs to give back Fjord's wallet. Ringo asks which wallet belongs to Fjord, and Fjules simply replies "The one that says 'Epix lawl' on it noob." "Howling" Fjord Nickname Controversy Nobody is completely sure how exactly Fjord got the nickname "Howling Fjord", himself included. The name surfaced seemingly out of the blue around the time of BlizzCon 2007 and rapidly grew in popularity. One popular theory links the name to a rumored zone in the Blizzard's next WoW expansion Wrath of the Lich King. Fjord has gone on record as stating this claim is obviously preposterous. Quoting the man himself: "Thats just silly. I mean do people ask Joaquin Phoenix if he is named after some city in Arizona? Oh they do? Well they're noobs." A competing theory has been postulated by Johari, a longtime Khadgar server luminary, lover of womenz, and part time philosopher: "The Howling Fjord, is a phenomenon that occurs, when Fjord has has too many drinks. Fjord finds a lonely woman, buys her many drinks, and eventually woos her substantially enough to take her home. When Fjord has lured the lass to his lair, he proceeds to cover himself in gelatinous goo, and begins to howl at the moon. Thus, the Howling Fjord." The issue remains unresolved. The Fjuture of Fjord: WotLK and Beyond Many people have speculated what the future holds for Fjord. More power, fame, and gold? A reality TV series? A sacndelous Internet sex tape with Lady Vashj? Perhaps an appearance on Dancing with the Stars? Fjord remains cryptic on the subject, but WoWWiki has obtained EXCLUSIVE information regarding Fjord's plans for the next WoW expansion Wrath of the Lich King ***SPOILER ALERT!!1!!11!!*** Two words: Djeathknight reroll. Fjun Fjord Fjacts * When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Fjord. * Fjord doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. * There is no 'ctrl' button on Fjords computer. Fjord is always in control. * Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Fjord. * Apple pays Fjord 99 cents every time he listens to a song. * Fjord can kill two stones with one bird. * Fjord counted to infinity - twice. * There is no chin behind Fjord’s beard. There is only another fist. * When Fjord does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down. * Fjord can eat just one Lay's potato chip. * Fjord’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush. * Fjord can lead a horse to water AND make it drink. * Fjord doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. * Fjord can slam a revolving door. * Fjord does not get frostbite. Fjord bites frost * Fjord is the most frequently mentioned person in The Barrens (over 9000% more popular than the second place finisher Mankrik's Wife.) * The rumor that Fjord is actually Chuck Norris is completely unfounded. Honestly, where do people come up with this stuff? References Only commies use references. Fjord does his Wiki'ing from the gut.